You can still go to social events in recovery. You can go to parties, the happy hours, the office events, and the beach vacations. You can still go to all of it. You just need a plan!
You need a plan that provides direction and support when you need it.
Socializing in recovery is not only allowed, it’s encouraged. In fact, connecting with other people is a critical part of long-term recovery. You’ve probably read about the negative effects isolation can have on people in recovery and how loneliness and disconnection are common contributors to relapse.
So, if you can’t stay home and isolate, then I guess you gotta go out and socialize. Building healthy social connections becomes part of the solution.
At True North Sober Support, we strongly encourage our clients to actively engage in social activities every week. In the beginning, that may mean focusing on dry or alcohol-free events while confidence and recovery routines are still developing.
Eventually, however, the goal is to build a recovery strong enough that you can confidently navigate the world around you rather than trying to avoid it. In my opinion, if you can’t do things that you want to do because you’re in recovery, then your recovery needs to grow. I don’t want my sobriety to keep me from doing things I enjoy, so it’s important to me to be able to socialize without fear of relapse.
Here’s something you may not expect:
Parties can actually be more fun when you’re sober.
- You remember the conversations
- There’s less worry about what you might have said the night before
- You don’t wonder how you’re getting your car home
- There’s a much greater chance you might actually get something that helps you grow from a conversation or an event
You can be fully present with the people around you, engage in meaningful conversations, and actually take something positive away from the experience.
Why Planning Is Critical For Recovery And Social Events
Recovery and social events can be challenging for reasons that aren’t always obvious.
Sometimes friends encourage us to “just have one” because they genuinely don’t understand what that one drink represents. Other times, work events, office parties, and family gatherings create stress that makes the idea of relaxing with a drink sound appealing. Or maybe we simply have a moment where we want to “fit in”, avoid awkward conversations, and enjoy ourselves like everyone else seems to be doing.
These situations are very common and they are exactly why having a plan matters.
Think about it for a moment – would you go into a job interview, or a work meeting without preparing? Doesn’t it build your confidence when you enter into situations where you can predict your response, or reaction, regardless of the event?
Why not apply this same thing to the parties that you attend?
It doesn’t take much and it removes a lot of the anxiety that can accompany attending parties. By defining your boundaries, and setting a plan, you are setting yourself up to enjoy the party for the time you desire to be there, to manage predictable situations that may have been triggering, or uncomfortable in the past, and leaving gracefully when it’s time to leave. That sounds like a pretty good outcome, doesn’t it?
Planning gives you an opportunity to think through situations before you’re standing in the middle of them. You can rehearse answers to difficult questions until they become automatic, helping you avoid the pitfalls that might result in temptation or triggers. The specific answer doesn’t matter nearly as much as not having to invent one under pressure.
Having support at an event can make an enormous difference as well. Good friends want to help. Sometimes they simply need to know how. Be honest and share your feelings about the event, and let them know which situations might be difficult for you. Let them in on the plans. Lean on friends you trust. Not only will it give you a sense of relief to have the support, it will also help improve your relationships with those people – the ones who are showing up when you need them, and the ones you think enough of to trust.
Make it fun! Come up with code words that mean different things and make a game of it if you want. There are lots of things you can do to support someone, or get support during social events. Have an exit strategy ready if you encounter too much stress, too many triggers, or you’ve just had enough.
Knowing that options exist can dramatically reduce anxiety, even if you never use them. There is a tremendous amount of comfort in knowing that staying is a choice and leaving is always an option.
Successfully developing a plan and executing it builds self-esteem and self-confidence. Other people notice how you handle things. All of this feeds into a positive feedback loop creating more and more strength in your recovery.
You Don’t Need To Reinvent Your Life – If You Don’t Want To
One of the biggest fears that I hear when working with clients is that they’ll have to give up all of their friends and completely reinvent and rebuild their social circles from scratch.
It can be true. Sometimes that happens. But, other times it doesn’t. It’s your recovery. It’s up to you.
You don’t necessarily have to stop spending time with the people you used to go out with. You don’t have to cut everyone out of your life simply because they drink. You don’t have to leave because someone orders a beer, and you don’t owe anyone an explanation if you don’t want to give one.
What you may have to do is change the way you behave, so that there is no uncertainty regarding your position at the event. Use verbal and non-verbal means if necessary. Communicate to anyone that seems to be interested in whether or not you have a drink that you’re not interested and it’s not up for debate.
Recovery has a funny way of teaching us about boundaries.
It also teaches us a lot about the people around us.
Good friends and coworkers don’t have to fully understand your recovery to support it. They don’t have to know your sober date, or how you got to this point if you don’t feel like sharing. They simply have to understand your position and respect it.
The people who care about you will generally see the changes in you before you mention anything about recovery. They will also cheer for your decisions and the hard work you’ve done to achieve the results. And they won’t give you a hard time because you’re not having a beer with them.
It may surprise you to see how each of the people in your life respond to your boundaries. Some of it can require changing relationships up, but it can also solidify your feelings for one person or another because they’ve respected your message. In my experience, people can be very supportive when you communicate clearly and confidently.
Recovery provides an opportunity to learn who shows up for you, who respects you, and who genuinely wants what’s best for you. Give people a chance to show you how they feel about you. Allow the people who truly care about you to demonstrate that by respecting your boundaries.
Whether you find out that someone close to you may need to be reconsidered, or you affirm feelings you already knew about another, you’re establishing your own rules of engagement, and you’re learning about the people in your life.
Surround yourself with people who look out for you.
People who respect your decisions.
People who make your recovery easier, not harder.
Those are probably people worth keeping around regardless of whether you’re in recovery or not.
Conclusion
Recovery isn’t about making your world smaller. It isn’t about isolation from the things you used to love because now they’re bad for you.
It’s about building a recovery strong enough to let your world get big again. Eventually, you should be able to go to any event. You just have to prepare. That preparation can be as simple as telling someone you’re staying for only a short time, and then leaving after that time has passed. It doesn’t have to be complex.
But if you want to live your life on your own terms, then you have to prepare for the events that threaten the way of life that has been rewarding to you. In recovery, you can do whatever you want, but you have to be prepared when life challenges you.
If you or someone you love could benefit from additional support navigating recovery and all the life that comes with it, True North Sober Support offers recovery coaching, peer support, sober companionship, case management, and transition support services designed to help people regain confidence and move forward with purpose.
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